In Memoriam

ALONE I ROAM

Alone, I roam in memory of you,
A hollow echo seeks release,
This aching heart finds no peace,
Alone, I roam without a clue.

By threads of sorrow, bittersweet,
I wander through the fading light,
Lost in the labyrinth of night,
A path where lonely sorrows meet.

Each fallen leaf, a mournful tweet,
A whispered promise, blown away,
A memory I chase each day,
Your gentle face is a warm retreat.

Your absence is a cruel decree,
A landscape barren, stark, and still,
My world conforms against my will,
Such loveliness I’ll never see.

I think of you constantly.
The sun has lost its golden hue,
And shadows gather, dark and true,
Until that day you smiled at me.

In realms of grief, I’ll surely die,
I see the sun begin to set,
My soul with unending debt,
With teary eyes gazing at the sky.

I think of you and can’t let go.
But phantoms dance where sunshine gleamed,
And waking life is but a dream,
I’m alone, roaming in melancholic woe.

My hope is at this misery,
I still recall your soothing smile,
That stayed with me for a while,
Such loveliness again, I’ll never see.

Your gentle face was a warm retreat.
The path ahead is cold and bleak,
My memories leave me weak,
By threads of sorrow, bittersweet.

The Fates conspired, a cruel decree,
And left me wandering, lost and frail,
A lonely ship without a sail,
And ripped from my heart all serenity.

Sweet fate, it seems, had other plans,
And left me stranded on this shore,
Forever wanting something more,
Lost in these desolate, empty lands.

A fleeting glimpse of paradise,
A whispered promise on the breeze,
Lost now among the barren trees.
Reflected in your gentle eyes.

Your absence is a consuming power.
A constant ache within my soul,
A story left forever whole.
I think of you each waking hour.

And now the sun feels cold and bare,
My spirit aches, a constant sting,
I wish I could a sweet song sing,
With empty arms, I stand and stare.

A hollow ache, a silent weep,
A phantom touch, a whispered plea,
A dream that time stole away from me,
Now a drop in the oceans deep.

Alone I roam, the echo rings,
A love that time cannot erase,
This world is now a lonely place,
Of broken hopes and shattered things.

Your memory is like a sacred hymn,
That guides me through this endless night,
To hopefully behold your everlasting light,
Though darkness reigns, and hope is dim.

And through this darkness bound by fears,
I roam with memories and silent tears.

©Habib Dabajeh

SILENT GARDEN

I walked the Silent Garden looking for you;
The hours passed, and it was nearing dawn.
As my mind wandered, a soft wind blew,
And a bird broke my thoughts with a song.

I strolled upon the garden’s hollow ground,
And the bird followed wherever I would go.
It also appeared to be searching all around,
As it softly trilled the pangs of woe.

The world to me is now a shrew;
Every day my heart bears another load.
I wake each dawn from dreams of you,
And my heart just wants to implode.

Complaints are baseless, and tears dry up.
My daily thoughts bring deeper despair.
The memories of you swell, and never stop,
And my weakened heart struggles to bear.

I circled that garden and I hoped and prayed,
That my mind could somehow envision you.
I saw only that bird, and how it played,
From bough to bough, and continue to coo.

It finally gave up and left me blear-eyed,
And realized its singing was all in vain.
As my eyes ruptured, I fell by your side,
And watered the dirt that houses my pain.

©Habib Dabajeh

BINT DEARBORN

I

I passed one cold and wintry night alone,
Shivering in tears and all hope seemed lost.
The dawn broke with my dissolving heart,
And whatever dreams pervaded my thoughts,
Had slowly faded along with the melting stars.
All through the chilly night, I wept for you,
And longed to feel your warmth wrapping around me,
As I imagined your arms holding me again.

II

The birds rise and perch near the window-
Back and forth they flutter, looking for you,
And wonder where you have gone.
But they only find this weeping heart instead.
They turn to me with one final gaze,
And with one last look around, they leave me.
Who can blame those little feathered angels?
For all they acknowledge is laughter and joy.

III

As I lay there, in an altered state of mind,
I find myself adrift in the ocean of mass hysteria.
I became frightened and distraught,
As I drown in my wayward thoughts,
And weep out loud longing to hold you.
I began to recall your rose garden,
How you labored and toiled in the soil,
Like the way you loved and cared for me.

IV

A son humbled by your loving heart,
And spoiled by your constant care.
I recalled your rainbow smile.
The contours of your angelic face,
And your witty and snarky frowns.
But no sooner did I come to my senses,
Did a sigh of grief strike my heart,
As I contemplate my loneliness.

V

Like a child afraid in the dark,
I cry out to you across the endless plain;
But cries from oblivion go unheard.
Like a thirsty dove roaming the desert,
I search for the sea of your heart;
But the way of the desert is a cruel delusion-
So I took comfort in mistaken perception,
And imagined your arms wrapped around me.

VI

Blinking momentarily out of existence,
I offered one last cry out to you.
I feared my heart had gone from me,
Following you through some dark tunnel,
And toward some radiant light;
But my heart consoles me within the darkness,
As a voice from within cries out,
“Listen to the rain, it falls to bathe the rose garden”

VII

I listened, and I followed my heart.
I watch, as the darkness around me began to loom.
The day seemed like midnight before my eyes.
Blackness covered me, and I trembled with fear,
As I longed to be there in your heart again.
By your side, where no fear ever touched me.
In your heart, where I learned how to make poems.
But all I could do is weep, as the soft rains fell.

VIII

Walking beneath the rain in that rose garden,
I gaze with seared eyes in rapid motion.
I begin searching for you with a racing heart,
And started crying out to you as a child lost.
I then hear your gentle and inviting voice,
As the butterflies appeared and led the way.
They lead me to you, and I find you sitting there,
In the company of those beautiful roses.

IX

I walk over to you, and upon seeing my sobbing eyes,
You float to me, as roses scatter their petals before you.
You embrace me with a tearful smile, and kiss me;
And I’m like a child again in your arms.
You smile so tenderly and with one final kiss,
You breathe the breath of life back into me.
I’m awakened to a tear-drenched pillow,
And like a madman, I rise up, and race weeping to your grave.

©Habib Dabajeh 3/18/19

EVERY TEAR IS A WORD

I watched you sleeping, but never knew,
Your tired soul was preparing to leave.
When dawn broke that cold January night,
You quietly passed to life anew.
We gathered around and could only grieve.
Through a veil of darkness to eternal light,
You left for a Plain no mortal can view.
Now I’m broken, wishing I could break through,
That dark veil between us and impart,
All the loving poems I wrote for you.
Day and night, the sad tears flow,
And every tear I cry is a word
That burns and pains for your heart.
I should have been more outspoken, but I deferred,
And now, these loving poems you’ll never know.
So I shed hopeless tears, that’s all I can do,
And they pile up but are never heard.
At night, my heart is crying out to you,
And leaves my mind and eyes blurred.
By dawn, my heart again is sad and blue,
Bleeding more words as new poems start
To slowly rip my soul apart.

©Habib Dabajeh 2/2/18

YOU LEFT ME

However powerful words appear to be,
Their influence is confined to shadowed memories.
They calm the heart and provide some ease,
But they can never bring you back to me.

You left me, and I wasn’t by your side;
How could I have known the timing of your soul?
You tore my heart and left behind a hole
That filled with tears the night I cried.

The haunting memories of you appear,
They cloud my vision, and the tears start
To drain what’s left of my empty heart.
No hand to guide me, and my path feels unclear.

You left me when all I had was you;
Now I’m bewildered and cold as stone:
In a crowded house, I feel alone.
So I reflect and weep; that’s all I do.

All night I cry, but no one hears
Those prayers I utter as dawn breaks.
I surrender to the choices the High One makes,
I sleep with my eyes open, choking on my tears.

I miss so much your hugs and laughter.
I wander aimlessly, lost and without a clue.
Nobody is left to listen or turn for comfort to.
You left a lonely soul scarred forever after.

I often daydream, pretending you’re near;
In a pool of my tears, I sit and wait,
But not even imagination can penetrate
That magical and ever-so-distant frontier.

I call out, but you’re nowhere to be found.
I try to express my feelings, but I struggle to find
The perfect words in my transfixed mind;
The intervals of teardrops are the only sound.

My days are empty, my nights are cold,
And my willpower fades amidst my fears.
I gain nothing by waking, only more tears,
As I long in vain for what I can no longer hold.

When night falls and the crickets begin
To chirp near your chair where you sat all day,
I struggle to breathe and start to fade away,
And my heart shivers, dimpling my skin.

By dawn, I have cried a small puddle for you,
Where two happy birds come to bathe and dance.
They dip their beaks with joyful prance,
And then drink from the sorrowful brew.

Turning towards me with a brooding stare,
They grow silent with their beaks to the ground;
Then look to heaven, abated and spellbound,
And both flutter off in despair.

©Habib Dabajeh

DREAMLESS

One August night, so long ago,
Was when my eyes first saw you.
On a cold January, with weal and woe,
Was when my eyes last glanced at you.
Three years now, and my heart can’t let go.
The memories linger, and more tears flow
As my mind torments trying to pursue,
Just one vision: But I have yet to dream of you.

Never did the heavens by night oblige me,
And express to me their deep sympathy,
To erase twelve hundred nights of crying;
As I prayed each night with heavy sighing,
Hoping somehow to pierce the darkness through,
And finally catch a single vision of you.
Now despairing, I greet another night of plight–
How will my heart bear another dreamless night?

©Habib Dabajeh 1/31/21

DREAMLESS NIGHTS

When I wake up, I’m afraid;
I face a world of regret and fear.
I recall the memories we both made,
And the tears fall, because you’re not here.

As the lonely years pass without you,
I endure what I cannot bear.
I want so much to dream about you,
And hold you again, but no visions there.

Days are as empty as my heart,
Filled with memories that only taunt me.
Sleepless nights tear me apart,
I’m dreamless, burdened, and never free.

The sun comes up on Burden Street,
And creates another toilsome day.
The morning birds rise and sound so sweet,
They hear my sighs and fly away.

The day turns to rain and is filled with pain;
The laughter of life is no longer heard.
How suitable seemed dark clouds and rain,
In a world so misleading and absurd.

I find myself struggling for breath,
Not finding the arms I long to hold.
At night I’m tantalized by your death,
And every morning brings another load.

The stars appear, and the heavens are lit.
Once more I behold the setting sun.
In thoughts of youth hopelessly I sit,
Wishing my youth had just begun.

I greet the moon and heavenly lights,
All alone, like many nights before.
How many more dreamless nights
To finally see you? How many more?

©Habib Dabajeh 2/13/20

BINT MASSOUD

The ghost of your embrace, like a phantom touch,
Still lingers in the hollow of my hand,
A memory of fragile warmth that’s gone,
And scattered like the dust upon the land.

That single, precious moment, fate granted me,
Now echoes in the silence of the years,
A distant star that glimmered in the night,
And vanished, leaving only barren tears.

I held your hand, a fragile, cold touch,
Believing in a bond that might ignite,
A current flowing like a rushing stream,
But found your soul had already taken flight.

No breathing stirred within your breast,
No flicker of emotion on your cold face,
A barren landscape, where beauty has fled,
Only silent echoes of your fleeting grace.

I yearn for what was never meant to be,
A phantom love that haunts my waking hours,
And I know, with aching certainty, that my heart,
Will bloom no tender, intertwined flowers.

The brief embrace, a cruel and bitter jest,
Has left a wound that time can not erase,
A silent longing, deep within my heart,
For warmth I yearn, yet could not find your grace.

This heart of mine, a captive bird within time’s cage,
Had wings of hope, with unlimited skies ahead.
With your absence, my heart is now empty,
And in my mind, reason and logic have fled.

©Habib Dabajeh

YOUR GARDEN

At times, I look out toward the garden,
Imagining he’s still planting on one knee.
But I stand there, distraught and all alone;
My heart is in pieces, and my mind mocks me.
Now I dream of that garden,
And how it used to be,
And where I now stand in tears,
Stood the old pear tree.
I hoped and prayed for one more vision,
But the Gardener I did not see.

©Habib Dabajeh

PEAR TREE

I stood half asleep on Memory Street,
And eyed two Persians with black feet.
They were searching for the hand that fed them,
But all they found was an empty seat.

And every night, like a worn-out song,
They came and purred on the lawn.
Gazing only towards Your empty chair,
And refusing to accept You were gone.

On the porch the gathered leaves
Blow about and crackle in the breeze.
I try to wake, and come to my senses,
But my eyes are open, and my heart grieves.

The blue bird came and waited for You,
And sadly sang the whole day through.
It took one last gaze at Your chair,
Cried one last time, and away it flew.

Fireflies came out and filled the air.
They circled Your empty chair;
And my mind refused to accept the fact,
That years have passed since You sat there.

A silhouette appeared near the garage.
Was it my deceiving eyes? Was it a mirage?
Some dreams are cruel and vex the mind,
They taunt the heart and do not oblige.

Was this dream in earnest, or jest?
Was it asking too much to be blessed,
With one last vision of Your smiling face,
And ease a heart most cruelly oppressed?

I saw the beautiful garden as it used to be,
And Your tall and blossoming Pear Tree.
Both were in abundance and full of life.
If only the Gardener was here, and He could see!

And there beneath that old Pear Tree,
Two Sisters reunite with bread and tea.
One broke a smile, in my youth I knew,
The other appeared so far from me.

I couldn’t reach out to them, or make a sound;
My feet were frozen in the ground.
But I somehow sensed the bloodline.
The love within was all around.

And all that I beheld with eye serene;
The garden and tree are all flush and green;
I know by morning the beauty will fade,
The likes of which will never be seen.

The Pear Tree still stands in my mind,
And will forever flourish and remind
Us, those memories are all we have…
We, the Seventy plus Pears You left behind.

©Habib Dabajeh

The Crickets

The darkened house stands silent, a tomb of memories deep,
Where laughter once resounded, now only echoes remain,
The secrets it holds tightly, the promises it will keep,
As shadows lengthen slowly, and sorrow starts to reign.

The porch is lit, a beacon against the encroaching night,
A fragile, hopeful glimmer amidst the somber air,
Where once you sat and pondered beneath the moonlight,
A vacant space now haunted by visions of despair.

The crickets cry their mournful song where you used to sit,
A chorus of lamenting to pierce the grieving heart,
Each chirping note a reminder of all that we now miss,
A constant, aching echo that tears our world apart.

We carry on perpetually pained, a burden hard to bear,
The absence of your presence, a void that will not mend,
Each sunrise brings remembrance, each sunset whispers prayer,
A yearning for your comfort that knows no earthly end.

We mourn a soul heaven gained, so quickly snatched away,
A star extinguished early from this terrestrial sphere,
We grapple with the questions we cannot find a way,
To reconcile such sorrow, to conquer crushing fear.

The house is dark, the future bleak, the porch a fragile light,
The crickets’ song a dirge that lingers on the breeze,
We mourn your loss, your memory burns ever so bright,
And pray for strength to carry on, and find some inner peace.

©Habib Dabajeh

VACANT HEART

The dreaded day that broke my heart
I sat beside you and couldn’t hold your hand.
I only could whisper a soft prayer for you,
Hoping you would turn and smile again.

You left me, and my heart tore to pieces.
I only have memories of your love and care.
Throughout the night I’m with you,
And talk to you, but you’re not there.

My heart burns in sorrow for you,
As I vainly recall the bygone years.
A face so radiant once, has suddenly turned pale,
And it unlocks the gate to a flood of tears.

The joy in my heart was unsurpassed
When your juicy words induced laughter and delight.
When Friday dawned with a still silence,
Your passing dawned on me with the light.

You left me, and my heart is now vacant;
I never had the chance to bid you adieu.
Each morning I wake to a tear-drenched pillow,
With a bleeding heart calling out to you.

How sad the way you quit this world.
You left my heart to wither and burn.
You spread your wings among the angels,
And left me, never again to return.

You took the flight to the Unseen,
During the month we all long to fly.
You spread your wings like a nightingale,
And sought the Rose Garden in the sky.

Now you’ve gone to His loving Heart,
Who am I to question why you went away?
And until the Great Horn summons us all,
My heart will burn for you till that day.

©Habib Dabajeh 1/31/18

NIGHT GATHERING

I

Whether I was dreaming or awake,
I was fully alert and cautious as I stood
Looking at my surroundings on Morross Street.
I started to wander down the street
To the calming melodies of windswept trees
And sensed someone or something
Was close by and shadowing me.
Looking at the house from a distance,
I caught a flashing glimpse of a silhouette
Making its way slowly up the driveway
And started to head toward the garage.

II

Cautiously he moved, turning and looking
Around the familiar surroundings.
I picked up my pace as my heart raced,
And I was overcome with a sense of foreboding.
The house seemed all aglow,
But appeared dark and empty inside.
The neighbor’s cat was strutting about
And made her way to the front porch.
It hopped unto the chair,
Took one peek through the window,
And sat back down as if waiting for someone.

III

From a distance, I saw an elderly woman
Approaching with a familiar face,
And walked up to the side door
And began to knock,
But there was no answer.
Our eyes met at a close distance,
And I vaguely recalled that familiar face
From my days past and early youth.
Looking at me with kindness,
She only offered a comforting smile
As She made Her way to the backyard.

IV

Just as my mind started to decipher
And construe what was happening,
Another woman appeared from the night
Walking hurriedly towards the house.
She looked at me with a tearful smile,
And She clearly knew who I was.
I somehow sensed the kinship between us,
But Her face was unfamiliar to me.
Cautiously I moved up the driveway
And pondered on the three companions
Circling around the property.

V

I heard murmurs, and then laughter,
As I reached the back lawn.
I saw the pear tree as it was,
All ripe and blossoming before me.
And it had Seventy plus shining pears
Glowing and glinting from it.
I saw the Family of Three sitting,
A Brother and his two Sisters
Together again conversing beneath it.
In the air, that familiar cigarette smell
Filled the night air around me.

VI

And my curiosity was broken
As I stood there and witnessed
A magical night gathering of three.
They only looked at me and smiled,
No speech was passed between us.
To speak to them, I could not,
No words would reach my tongue.
To move towards them, I couldn’t,
My feet were locked and my heart was racing.
I then saw Him stand up,
As He looked out to the empty garden.

VII

A garden that once had sprouting
Tomato plants that reached the sky,
And cucumbers that populated the ground.
He then walked to where the fruitful
Plumb and peach trees once stood side by side,
And began watering the ground with His tears
Hoping they would both spring up,
And be whole again before him.
And just as I awake,
My tears were watering my pillow,
Knowing nothing will ever be whole again.

©️H. Dabajeh